Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Oh, the People You'll See at RHV
Just realized this never got posted on the blog. Probably should put it up here, considering it's the reason we started this thing.
Hold your breath, here we go!
After talking to Yuzo at work today, I started thinking of the various people the fuelers at the airport deal with on a daily basis. I decided to put a list together of some of the more entertaining, or interesting people, and maybe some recollections of run ins with them. Feel free to comment on the note, and I'll add anecdotes accordingly.
Crazy Andrew:
Homeless guy #1 who washes airplanes. I'd heard a lot of stories about Crazy Andrew, but didn't meet him until I'd worked here for 2 years. The second I saw him, I knew who he was without introduction. In fact, you can imagine him in your head right now too. He's exactly how a Crazy Andrew should look. Known for standing behind running aircraft and "chomping fumes," as well as showing up at 1am out of nowhere to scare the bejesus out of you after a night flight. Also known for asking people "What kind of airplane are you today?"
That Clown-Haired guy with the Cessna Cardinal:
This guy seriously creeps me out. Might be homeless too, gauging by the amount of crap in his van and airplane. Seriously, who needs a porta-potty in a Cardinal? Does he use it in flight, or just on the ramp at the airport? Always moving, this guy is seriously shifty. And that hair. . . weird.
The Man With No Brains:
Proof that age and wisdom are not a packaged deal. Known for sitting in N1455X with the engine running for a half hour, blocking the whole ramp. Also known for asking the dumbest questions ever. And he stutters. Example:
TMWNB: Uh, Uh, uh, um, uh, uhhhhhh, uh, I can't get the cover off of the cigarette lighter.
Warn: It doesn't come off
TMNWB: Uh, um, ummmm, uh, I need to use it.
Warn: Well, it doesn't work. What do you need it for?
TMNWB: Uh, uhhhhh, um, uh, um, I need to plug in my GPS.
Warn (and the whole office): Dude, it has a Garmin 430 built into the panel!
or:
TMWNB: Hey, is the Arrow leaking gas because you just filled it all the way to the top and then I moved it out of its parking space so now it's on a slope and the gas is draining out of the fuel vent?
Me: Yes. Yes it is.
Gregorio:
Our other homeless plane washer. Makes far more money than the fuelers, actually. Known for never shutting up, singing Madonna songs in the office, taking a half hour to write a three line email, pimping out his bike, wearing tons of reflective clothing, and loving to check the price of gold on the internet. He has no gold, but he does have a small pocket scale. Wonder what he really sells, hmmmmmmm.
Gregorio Quotes:
"No work in your computer" (Translation: You're stupid)
"Good Morning" (No matter what time of day or night it is)
Yuzo:
Awesome. The perfect Japanese flight instructor. A blackbelt in some sort of martial art, and also a blackbelt at being awesome. Always wears a tie when he instructs. ALWAYS. Depending on the season, its topped by a nice pastel sweater or sweater-vest. Also smokes like a freight train hauling a boxcar full of burning tires. The man must get hypoxic at 200'.
Awesome Yuzoisms that I have witnessed:
Walking towards me pumping gas with cigarette in hand. Stops walking, looks at cigarette, looks at truck. Takes a puff, holds cigarette behind him as far as he can stretch, and continues walking towards the truck. Good thing he added that extra 3 feet.
Walks to the Seneca to check the gas. Realizes his cigarette might blow his face off when he opens the cap. Sets cigarette on the ramp 20' from the Seneca. Walks over, checks gas. Walks back to cigarette, picks it up, and continues smoking. Thats dedication right there. Make him the Marlboro Man.
Known for saying: "Is that-a right?"
Greg Spades:
From a long, proud line of military men comes this epic black sheep of a son. Runs Nice Air's fuel services, and lives in a trailer at the airport. Always wears a Hawaiian shirt, jeans, and Birkenstocks. Knows every bit of airport rumor, speculation, and gossip. If you want to find something out, ask Spades.
Known for: formation fuel truck driving with us, trying to park his truck in our way as much as possible, and for playing chicken in his fuel truck with ours. I admit to nothing.
The Airport Ops guy with Terets:
Does he really have Terets Syndrome, or is he just extremely angry all the time? I argue that he is both. Drives a Jimmy festooned with Hawaiian stickers, and listens to Hawaiian music in the County Office while swearing loudly and profusely at his computer. He never just swears, he yells when he swears, no matter who is around. Comedy gold.
Famous Quotes:
"These pancakes are effin' delicious, I think they put crack in them"
"Effin' tractor!"
and a whole bunch more that I simply can't make decent.
Evil Steve:
The world's angriest Air Traffic Controller, and the bane of every student pilot. Pure concentrated anger. Known for tearing into pilots and arguing with them over the radio. Once held Garret in the taxiway between the parallel runways for 15 minutes because he said "holding short of thirteen left" instead of "holding short of one three left." FAA finally forced him into retirement.
Those People Who Live on Row Hotel:
Really nice people, but apparently they took the name "Row Hotel" a bit too seriously. I think they spend more time at the airport than some of the people who actually live at the airport. Have some hilarious matching Vespas, which they ride around the airport to buy cheap sodas from the Squadron Two vending machine. You know you spend too much time at the airport when you have a license plate that reads "CUATRHV."
The Shirtless Man:
Has a really nice Lanceair. Also owns no shirts during the summer, apparently. Refuses to pay with anything but cash, because of a billing mixup 10 years ago. Although he pays cash, and has ridiculous demands he never tips. Not that we deserve it, but hey, if I have to spend 20 minutes putting 15 gallons of gas into your Lance, hook me up dude.
The Guy with the Purple Honda Goldwing:
Don't know much about him, except his motorcycle weighs more than my Lincoln. Cruises around blasting smooth jazz through the onboard speakers. You know your motorcycle is too heavy if it has a reverse gear.
Stretch:
Ah, Stretch. Now this is the kind of crazy that I want to be when I'm old. Always wears flannel shirts, jeans, sunglasses and redwing boots. Cuts his hair and sideburns about twice a year. Flew B-52s in the 60's, has some interesting stories about doing 500 knots at 200'. (Now thats an epic message drop.) The man has done some flyin'. Currently flies an aerial survey Aero Commander. The Commander is nicknamed the Exxon Valdez because of the epic amount of oil on, in, under, and around it. Has quite the automobile, a mid 80's Oldsmobile. The backseat is filled up to the windows with old Trade-A-Planes. It's so heavy that the back suspension is completely compressed. After every flight drinks something from bottle/can from a brown bag. What could it be? Mickeys? Olde English? Strawberry Nesquik? Frequently flies AFTER drinking from his dubious brown bag as well. FARs need not apply. Rarely speaks, just gives the thumbs up when you tell him how much gas the Commander has taken.
I will pay somebody $10 to find out what is in that bag. Seriously.
Hold your breath, here we go!
After talking to Yuzo at work today, I started thinking of the various people the fuelers at the airport deal with on a daily basis. I decided to put a list together of some of the more entertaining, or interesting people, and maybe some recollections of run ins with them. Feel free to comment on the note, and I'll add anecdotes accordingly.
Crazy Andrew:
Homeless guy #1 who washes airplanes. I'd heard a lot of stories about Crazy Andrew, but didn't meet him until I'd worked here for 2 years. The second I saw him, I knew who he was without introduction. In fact, you can imagine him in your head right now too. He's exactly how a Crazy Andrew should look. Known for standing behind running aircraft and "chomping fumes," as well as showing up at 1am out of nowhere to scare the bejesus out of you after a night flight. Also known for asking people "What kind of airplane are you today?"
That Clown-Haired guy with the Cessna Cardinal:
This guy seriously creeps me out. Might be homeless too, gauging by the amount of crap in his van and airplane. Seriously, who needs a porta-potty in a Cardinal? Does he use it in flight, or just on the ramp at the airport? Always moving, this guy is seriously shifty. And that hair. . . weird.
The Man With No Brains:
Proof that age and wisdom are not a packaged deal. Known for sitting in N1455X with the engine running for a half hour, blocking the whole ramp. Also known for asking the dumbest questions ever. And he stutters. Example:
TMWNB: Uh, Uh, uh, um, uh, uhhhhhh, uh, I can't get the cover off of the cigarette lighter.
Warn: It doesn't come off
TMNWB: Uh, um, ummmm, uh, I need to use it.
Warn: Well, it doesn't work. What do you need it for?
TMNWB: Uh, uhhhhh, um, uh, um, I need to plug in my GPS.
Warn (and the whole office): Dude, it has a Garmin 430 built into the panel!
or:
TMWNB: Hey, is the Arrow leaking gas because you just filled it all the way to the top and then I moved it out of its parking space so now it's on a slope and the gas is draining out of the fuel vent?
Me: Yes. Yes it is.
Gregorio:
Our other homeless plane washer. Makes far more money than the fuelers, actually. Known for never shutting up, singing Madonna songs in the office, taking a half hour to write a three line email, pimping out his bike, wearing tons of reflective clothing, and loving to check the price of gold on the internet. He has no gold, but he does have a small pocket scale. Wonder what he really sells, hmmmmmmm.
Gregorio Quotes:
"No work in your computer" (Translation: You're stupid)
"Good Morning" (No matter what time of day or night it is)
Yuzo:
Awesome. The perfect Japanese flight instructor. A blackbelt in some sort of martial art, and also a blackbelt at being awesome. Always wears a tie when he instructs. ALWAYS. Depending on the season, its topped by a nice pastel sweater or sweater-vest. Also smokes like a freight train hauling a boxcar full of burning tires. The man must get hypoxic at 200'.
Awesome Yuzoisms that I have witnessed:
Walking towards me pumping gas with cigarette in hand. Stops walking, looks at cigarette, looks at truck. Takes a puff, holds cigarette behind him as far as he can stretch, and continues walking towards the truck. Good thing he added that extra 3 feet.
Walks to the Seneca to check the gas. Realizes his cigarette might blow his face off when he opens the cap. Sets cigarette on the ramp 20' from the Seneca. Walks over, checks gas. Walks back to cigarette, picks it up, and continues smoking. Thats dedication right there. Make him the Marlboro Man.
Known for saying: "Is that-a right?"
Greg Spades:
From a long, proud line of military men comes this epic black sheep of a son. Runs Nice Air's fuel services, and lives in a trailer at the airport. Always wears a Hawaiian shirt, jeans, and Birkenstocks. Knows every bit of airport rumor, speculation, and gossip. If you want to find something out, ask Spades.
Known for: formation fuel truck driving with us, trying to park his truck in our way as much as possible, and for playing chicken in his fuel truck with ours. I admit to nothing.
The Airport Ops guy with Terets:
Does he really have Terets Syndrome, or is he just extremely angry all the time? I argue that he is both. Drives a Jimmy festooned with Hawaiian stickers, and listens to Hawaiian music in the County Office while swearing loudly and profusely at his computer. He never just swears, he yells when he swears, no matter who is around. Comedy gold.
Famous Quotes:
"These pancakes are effin' delicious, I think they put crack in them"
"Effin' tractor!"
and a whole bunch more that I simply can't make decent.
Evil Steve:
The world's angriest Air Traffic Controller, and the bane of every student pilot. Pure concentrated anger. Known for tearing into pilots and arguing with them over the radio. Once held Garret in the taxiway between the parallel runways for 15 minutes because he said "holding short of thirteen left" instead of "holding short of one three left." FAA finally forced him into retirement.
Those People Who Live on Row Hotel:
Really nice people, but apparently they took the name "Row Hotel" a bit too seriously. I think they spend more time at the airport than some of the people who actually live at the airport. Have some hilarious matching Vespas, which they ride around the airport to buy cheap sodas from the Squadron Two vending machine. You know you spend too much time at the airport when you have a license plate that reads "CUATRHV."
The Shirtless Man:
Has a really nice Lanceair. Also owns no shirts during the summer, apparently. Refuses to pay with anything but cash, because of a billing mixup 10 years ago. Although he pays cash, and has ridiculous demands he never tips. Not that we deserve it, but hey, if I have to spend 20 minutes putting 15 gallons of gas into your Lance, hook me up dude.
The Guy with the Purple Honda Goldwing:
Don't know much about him, except his motorcycle weighs more than my Lincoln. Cruises around blasting smooth jazz through the onboard speakers. You know your motorcycle is too heavy if it has a reverse gear.
Stretch:
Ah, Stretch. Now this is the kind of crazy that I want to be when I'm old. Always wears flannel shirts, jeans, sunglasses and redwing boots. Cuts his hair and sideburns about twice a year. Flew B-52s in the 60's, has some interesting stories about doing 500 knots at 200'. (Now thats an epic message drop.) The man has done some flyin'. Currently flies an aerial survey Aero Commander. The Commander is nicknamed the Exxon Valdez because of the epic amount of oil on, in, under, and around it. Has quite the automobile, a mid 80's Oldsmobile. The backseat is filled up to the windows with old Trade-A-Planes. It's so heavy that the back suspension is completely compressed. After every flight drinks something from bottle/can from a brown bag. What could it be? Mickeys? Olde English? Strawberry Nesquik? Frequently flies AFTER drinking from his dubious brown bag as well. FARs need not apply. Rarely speaks, just gives the thumbs up when you tell him how much gas the Commander has taken.
I will pay somebody $10 to find out what is in that bag. Seriously.
Friday, December 11, 2009
100 Low Life presents: Messin' with Sasquatch.
There's a couple new adventures for Warno, including pilot Warno!
I flew the 206 with Sean to Fresno and back the other day. On the way back it began getting dark. The weather was great, but our company requires us to be IFR after dark unless we're within the vicinity of the airport, so we called up Norcal and asked for a clearance back to RHV. Here's an excerpt from the ensuing exchange the names have been changed to protect the confused:
Us: "Norcal Cessna 1234A level at eight thousand five hundred, request IFR to Reid Hillview."
Norcal: "1234A uhhhh.... *long pause* you can expect that uhh... later."
Us: "Okay."
Several minutes pass.
Us: "Norcal 1234A, any update on that IFR?"
Norcal: "Uhh... 1234A umm... I'm confused, why do you want an IFR? Are you asking because of IMC conditions?"
Us: "Negative, we're VMC, We're just looking to pick up an IFR clearance to Reid Hillview, company policy"
I don't think he heard the company policy part.
Norcal: "1234A okay.... um.... hang on a minute"
a minute or so passes.
Norcal: "1234A weather at Reid Hillview is better than 5000 and 5."
we're giggling at this point.
Us: "We know, we'd still like to pick up the IFR."
Norcal: "Uh... okay 1234A hang on a minute."
at this point we're both thoroughly amused.
Norcal: "1234A you're cleared to Reid Hillview airport via radar vectors descend and maintain eight thousand, squawk 4243."
Us: "Cleared to Reid Hillview via radar vectors eight thousand squawk 4243"
Norcal: "Readback correct. Uh.... which approach would you like?"
Sean and I look at each other, full on laughing at this point, we know that if we say the visual his head will explode.
Us: *giggling* "We'll take the GPS."
A staff of Hollywood writers couldn't write comedy like that.
The 206H is magnificent by the way. I highly recommend it.
I flew the 206 with Sean to Fresno and back the other day. On the way back it began getting dark. The weather was great, but our company requires us to be IFR after dark unless we're within the vicinity of the airport, so we called up Norcal and asked for a clearance back to RHV. Here's an excerpt from the ensuing exchange the names have been changed to protect the confused:
Us: "Norcal Cessna 1234A level at eight thousand five hundred, request IFR to Reid Hillview."
Norcal: "1234A uhhhh.... *long pause* you can expect that uhh... later."
Us: "Okay."
Several minutes pass.
Us: "Norcal 1234A, any update on that IFR?"
Norcal: "Uhh... 1234A umm... I'm confused, why do you want an IFR? Are you asking because of IMC conditions?"
Us: "Negative, we're VMC, We're just looking to pick up an IFR clearance to Reid Hillview, company policy"
I don't think he heard the company policy part.
Norcal: "1234A okay.... um.... hang on a minute"
a minute or so passes.
Norcal: "1234A weather at Reid Hillview is better than 5000 and 5."
we're giggling at this point.
Us: "We know, we'd still like to pick up the IFR."
Norcal: "Uh... okay 1234A hang on a minute."
at this point we're both thoroughly amused.
Norcal: "1234A you're cleared to Reid Hillview airport via radar vectors descend and maintain eight thousand, squawk 4243."
Us: "Cleared to Reid Hillview via radar vectors eight thousand squawk 4243"
Norcal: "Readback correct. Uh.... which approach would you like?"
Sean and I look at each other, full on laughing at this point, we know that if we say the visual his head will explode.
Us: *giggling* "We'll take the GPS."
A staff of Hollywood writers couldn't write comedy like that.
The 206H is magnificent by the way. I highly recommend it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
