Stole this from another blog, thought it was pretty hilarious.
CVR US Airways 1549
SIC: “Number two’s gone, boss.”
Sully: “I know it! What do I look like, an R-22 pilot? Just shut the f*cker down, boy. Oh, and tell Departure that we need to come back in andland. F*cking birds…”
SIC: “Sheesh, somebody got up on the wrong side of his throne this morning. You don’t have to insult me just because I got my commercial helicopter rating in the mighty Robinson. Oh, and by the way, sir, we’re not climbing, if you even care. Maybe your decision to take on that extra 5,000 pounds of fuel wasn’t so hot, Captain.”
Sully: “One more comment like that and I’ll make sure the union keeps you in RJ’s for the rest of your miserable, short career.”
Sully: “SON OF A BITCH!”
SIC: “Number one’s failing, boss.”
Sully: “I can see that! Am I a-f*cking-sleep? Can I not read the gauges? Am I not flying the plane here?”
SIC: “I’m just sayin’…”
Sully: “Goddamn Canadians, sending their f*cking geese down here every winter. Why, if I ever *see* another Canadian I’m gonna punch him right in the throat. I *HATE* Canadians.”
SIC: “Everybody does, boss. Think we can make Teterboro or straight-in to 22 at Newark?”
Sully: “Yeah, probably. But f*ck Teterboro! Let’s go to Newark. I’ve flown out of Teterboro. Short damn runways…always a crosswind. And their FBO’s suck. I’d rather land in the Hudson f*cking river than land at Teterboro.
Hey….”
SIC: “You’re not…”
Sully: “Why not? Maybe we can take out some sailboats with some prick Canadian snowbirds.”
SIC: “You ever land on the water before?”
Sully: “Plenty of times! I got my seaplane rating back in 1946. I think it was in a…Piper…somethingoranother, I forget. Never mind. It’ll all come back to me. Pull out the Before Water Landing checklist and run it.”
SIC: (flipping through the stack of checklists) “Can’t seem to find one for that.”
Sully: “Fooled ya! HAH! There ain’t one! Just get on the horn and tell the people to put their heads between their legs and kiss…no wait, thatwon’t sound good on on the CVR tape…make it, ‘brace for collision’…no wait, make it ‘brace for impact.’ Yeah, that’s better. No wait! Tell them
that out the left side of the plane they can see the Intrepid Museum, andthat if they’d like to visit it, they’ll be able to, this afternoon, like, in about twenty minutes. Oh, and ring the stews and have them bring me a rum and coke. If I’m gonna do this, I need a good stiff drink. And have that one with the big tits bring it up. If I’m gonna die, I wanna die drunk and with a boner.”
SIC: “Like your grandfather did?”
Sully: “This is no time to make jokes, son. I would really appreciate it if you’d try to take this situation seriously. I’m fairly certain that my grandfather did not die with a boner. I mean, have you ever met my grandmother?”
SIC: “You know, if you pull this off CNN will be calling you the Hero Pilot
of the Year.”
Sully: “F*ck CNN. Liberal bastards. All I care about is what the fair-and-balanced Fox News will call me. I hope Fox News calls me a hero!”
SIC: (sighing) “They probably will too. Nobody will remember *my* name. It’ll be ‘Sully this’…and, ‘Sully that.’ ‘Captain Sully, the big f*cking hero.’ Like you are the only f*cking one in the cockpit.”
Sully: “You’re quite bitter. You really are a helicopter pilot at heart, aren’t you? You know, some pilots wait their whole career to be called a hero. I mean, Christ, I’ve only got two years to go to before retirement. That was close!”
SIC: “We’re not down yet, Captain Skygod.”
Sully: “I know, this thing glides pretty well, huh? Dammit, no sailboats. Oh well, let’s see if we can buzz one of those damn sightseeing helicopters. What’s best-glide/engines out?”
SIC: “Beats the shit outta me.”
Sully: “Vref?”
SIC: “F*ck if I know.”
Sully: “Britney Spears‘ birthday?”
SIC: “December 2, 1981.”
Sully: “Well, I’m glad you know SOMETHING! Just gimme full flaps…”
[END OF RECORDING]
-Originally from: http://3lke.blogspot.com/2009/02/cvr-us-airways-1549.html
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
My homebuilt airplane makes me awesome!
So usually I'm a mechanic, that means I get to fix things that others break. I'm a pilot too so sometimes, on rare occasions, I get to break things before I fix them. The last few weeks have been grand, and in this story nothing gets broken.
I have a commercial multi checkride on June 18th. This requires training, so I've spent some time getting acquainted with Duchess 3724H.
On Thursday we departed Reid Hillview at around 6:00pm for Tracy. It's been a long week for Warno, so on the way there I gave a pretty laughable performance of a Vmc demo, two power off stalls, two power on stalls, some halfway decent steep turns, and a pretty damn good in flight shutdown and restart.
Upon reaching Tracy I did a couple passable normal landings, even though it was bumpy as hell, and was coming around on one engine for a single engine landing on 30 when all of a sudden "Cool Name flight of Four RV-7's" called up "5 southeast of the airport on upwind 30."
What?
If you're 5 southeast of the airport you couldn't possibly be on upwind for 30.
So after a few exchanges we finally discern that they are on a 5 mile initial for an overhead break to 30. Why the hell didn't they just say that in the first place? This, as it turns out, is just the beginning.
Meanwhile we're on final, it's bumpy as hell, and this isn't going well, so around we go. I announce upwind, and the "Cool Name Flight of four RV-7's" announces "over the numbers in a left overhead break to downwind 30."
And it begins... Flight lead begins pouring his heart out to anyone on CTAF for miles around about where he is, what his flight is called, how many RV-7's he has and what they're gonna do next. His position reports last so long that by the time he's done with one it's time for the next one... and he gives them on upwind, turning crosswind, on crosswind, turning downwind, on downwind, on downwind midfield, on downwind abeam the numbers, turning base, on base, turning final, on final, short final on the runway and on the go... lather, rinse, repeat.
I can't get "Tracy traffic 24H left downwind 30 Tracy" in edgewise... and I'm not the only one with that problem. On my next touch and go, there's enough break in the chatter for me to hear "YellowCitabriaupwind30Tracy," before the next life story issues forth!
Shit... where did he come from?
We see and avoid, and he saw us too because he offset to the side to let us pass. I'm not even mad at him because I couldn't get any of my position reports in either. "He done good," as they say.
Is it over? Oh no, now that we've done overhead breaks to 30 as a flight of four, we're going to split up into two flights of two and do overhead breaks to the runway in use by everyone else, AND the crossing runway AT THE SAME TIME.
Sean and I decide discretion is the better part of valor and retreat is the better part of discretion, and go do approaches into Livermore instead.
I can only assume that there's a smoking hole at the runway intersection in Tracy that used to be Cool Name Flight of four RV-7's... Hopefully the guy in the Citabria made it out OK!
~~Warno
I have a commercial multi checkride on June 18th. This requires training, so I've spent some time getting acquainted with Duchess 3724H.
On Thursday we departed Reid Hillview at around 6:00pm for Tracy. It's been a long week for Warno, so on the way there I gave a pretty laughable performance of a Vmc demo, two power off stalls, two power on stalls, some halfway decent steep turns, and a pretty damn good in flight shutdown and restart.
Upon reaching Tracy I did a couple passable normal landings, even though it was bumpy as hell, and was coming around on one engine for a single engine landing on 30 when all of a sudden "Cool Name flight of Four RV-7's" called up "5 southeast of the airport on upwind 30."
What?
If you're 5 southeast of the airport you couldn't possibly be on upwind for 30.
So after a few exchanges we finally discern that they are on a 5 mile initial for an overhead break to 30. Why the hell didn't they just say that in the first place? This, as it turns out, is just the beginning.
Meanwhile we're on final, it's bumpy as hell, and this isn't going well, so around we go. I announce upwind, and the "Cool Name Flight of four RV-7's" announces "over the numbers in a left overhead break to downwind 30."
And it begins... Flight lead begins pouring his heart out to anyone on CTAF for miles around about where he is, what his flight is called, how many RV-7's he has and what they're gonna do next. His position reports last so long that by the time he's done with one it's time for the next one... and he gives them on upwind, turning crosswind, on crosswind, turning downwind, on downwind, on downwind midfield, on downwind abeam the numbers, turning base, on base, turning final, on final, short final on the runway and on the go... lather, rinse, repeat.
I can't get "Tracy traffic 24H left downwind 30 Tracy" in edgewise... and I'm not the only one with that problem. On my next touch and go, there's enough break in the chatter for me to hear "YellowCitabriaupwind30Tracy," before the next life story issues forth!
Shit... where did he come from?
We see and avoid, and he saw us too because he offset to the side to let us pass. I'm not even mad at him because I couldn't get any of my position reports in either. "He done good," as they say.
Is it over? Oh no, now that we've done overhead breaks to 30 as a flight of four, we're going to split up into two flights of two and do overhead breaks to the runway in use by everyone else, AND the crossing runway AT THE SAME TIME.
Sean and I decide discretion is the better part of valor and retreat is the better part of discretion, and go do approaches into Livermore instead.
I can only assume that there's a smoking hole at the runway intersection in Tracy that used to be Cool Name Flight of four RV-7's... Hopefully the guy in the Citabria made it out OK!
~~Warno
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